Monday, February 19, 2007

And Now For Something COMPLETELY Different

Found this old chat transcript between me and
my old Scottish chat buddy, Rodti.


pomona66: o.k. so me and broomfield are having this chat...
pomona66: and he says that if you blow yourself you ought to swallow
pomona66: to save on the mess
pomona66: but I say...no way...

trashcanglam: oh always

pomona66: ok...I guess
pomona66: glad I don't have lots of spooge to figure out what to do with

trashcanglam: it's always best to have a spunkmonkey there though

pomona66: spunkmonkey??? like a REAL monkey???

trashcanglam: yeah
trashcanglam: but they're especially trained to hoover up spunk
trashcanglam: it then undergoes a complex scientific transformation in their stomachs
trashcanglam: and emerges as a 'magic egg' that they shit out
trashcanglam: god help us if they hatch it

pomona66: a magic golden egg?

trashcanglam: more of a brown egg

pomona66: ah, yes...the brown ones...how come it always has to be 'brown' with you??? _

trashcanglam: now THERE's a lovely image for you

pomona66: as always trashy me boyo...

trashcanglam: i don't know. but it HAS TO BE BROWN.
trashcanglam: that is it

pomona66: speaking of lovely images...how's the bastard child? has he gone and got fisty's nipples all infected and split up???

trashcanglam: lol
trashcanglam: she managed to prise him off of the 'tit' early on
trashcanglam: he feeds on the juice of reconstituted cow
trashcanglam: luckily i wasn't required to give him milk from my 'teat'
trashcanglam: actually he now slurps up orange pastes that claim to be 'pasta and vegetable bake' etc

pomona66: and you best save your milk for the sperm depositories of Scotland...

trashcanglam: indeed
trashcanglam: if there is ever a global nuclear war my man-fat is to be used to create a new race

pomona66: you've got an entire country to father...in your image...

trashcanglam: what an unpleasant thought
trashcanglam: it really is

pomona66: oh??? now that you've got one to judge by, you know??

trashcanglam: oops
trashcanglam: erms
trashcanglam: yipyipyip
trashcanglam: hummm
trashcanglam: nononon
trashcanglam: i dunno
trashcanglam: you've confused me
trashcanglam: i'm getting optical poptitude

pomona66: that's alright
pomona66: I've confused myself
pomona66: I never chat anymore and tonight's the first time I've caught 2 of you online at the same time, but I just told Cholic the secret of blowing himself so I've got a couple of free minutes here...

trashcanglam: and how are things over in your cervical neck of the woods?

pomona66: things...things are...more or less the same...
pomona66: I raise my kid

trashcanglam: with levers and pulleys?
trashcanglam: at least 3 feet off of the ground?
trashcanglam: so he thinks he can levitate using will alone?

pomona66: HAH--

trashcanglam: what kind of way is that to fuck up a kid?
trashcanglam: you must use the ELECTRODES.

pomona66: reminds me of this one time...he was sick

trashcanglam: dammit
trashcanglam: the only way they'll learn is through ever-increasing voltages.

pomona66: and was lying flat on his back
pomona66: and I said 'Honey, do you want me to elevate your head a little?"

trashcanglam: oh the amount of women that have said that to me

pomona66: 8^)...so ANYWAYS...
pomona66: he got this freaky look on his face and said 'Can you REALLY do that????'
pomona66: he thought I was gonna LEVITATE his head...

trashcanglam: lol
trashcanglam: time to up the dosage, methinks

pomona66: he's already at the maximum

trashcanglam: just like his mommy, how sweet!

pomona66: I gave him coffee before school today

trashcanglam: 0_
trashcanglam: intravenously i hope

pomona66: RIGHT before school...then I dropped him off and RAN...
pomona66: he was walking around going 'I'm so wired!!!!'

trashcanglam: i hope you also gave him a knife
trashcanglam: a BIG knife
trashcanglam: the BIGGEST knife

pomona66: the biggest
pomona66: but it was made of air
pomona66: so he just had that stabbing motion
pomona66: which made him scarier than if he actually had a REAL knife
pomona66: you don't need weapons when you've got mental illness

trashcanglam: i want that tattooed on my forehead

pomona66: just give me credit somewhere

trashcanglam: i'll knife your name in a spaniard next week

pomona66: oh, now don't go killing a dog for me...
pomona66: oh...
pomona66: wait...
pomona66: a SPANIARD...

trashcanglam: lmao

pomona66: nevermind....carry on....

trashcanglam: i'm off to spain on saturday
trashcanglam: thank chrisy
trashcanglam: chrisy? that's christ's sister
trashcanglam: she's a honey

pomona66: I gathered maybe that's where you were going with that...you mean crissyb is Jesus' sister?

trashcanglam: although he does better bumtricks
trashcanglam: lol
trashcanglam: crissyb
trashcanglam: THERE's a name i've not heard in a while

pomona66: not since we made fun of her fucking the bloke on the carpet
pomona66: no sense of humor, that girl
pomona66: speaking of fucking blokes on the carpet....

trashcanglam: lol

pomona66: I've gotta go

trashcanglam: i deny everything

pomona66: as always...
pomona66: goodnight sir...good to chat again...

trashcanglam: np
trashcanglam: catch you later darling
trashcanglam: don't forget to wipe

pomona66: hello to the missus

trashcanglam: front to back, mind
trashcanglam: will do

pomona66: okee
pomona66: bye

trashcanglam: bye!
trashcanglam: :-B

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Front to back, mind"....

What is THAT?

Do SAY, Chickie Snatch.

Laura said...

It's how you're supposed to wipe, silly. It's THE most basic rule of personal hygiene. Didn't yer mom ever teach you that?

Anonymous said...

No. She taught me to use Q-Tips.

...Smartass.

Laura said...

Cleanass.

When Jasper was little he called them 'Kewp-tits'.